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The first rule of buying gifts for women is: The gift should not do anything, or, if it does, it should do it badly.
-Dave Barry, "Gift Guide", The Boston Globe Magazine, 4/1/01, p. 9

What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?
-Drew Carey, "Red, White and Drew", The Drew Carey Show

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
-Mark Twain

History is full of people who out of fear, or ignorance, or lust for power have destroyed knowledge of immeasurable value which truly belongs to us all. We must not let it happen again.
-Carl Sagan, 1988, "Cosmos"

Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he is that he knows precisely what is right and what is wrong. All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them. The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant, in this field as in all others. His culture is based on "I am not too sure."
-H.L. Mencken

If the gods listened to the prayers of men, all humankind would quickly perish since they constantly pray for many evils to befall one another.
-Epicurus

The function of the imagination is not to make strange things settled, so much as to make settled things strange.
-G.K. Chesterton

The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
-Eden Phillpots

If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
-Carl Sagan

What is now proved was once only imagined.
-William Blake

Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.
-Leo Buscaglia

Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity.
-George Bernard Shaw

There is a pleasure sure, in being mad, which none but madmen know.
-John Dryden

There was never a genius without a tincture of madness.
-Aristotle

We find it hard to believe that other people's thoughts are as silly as our own, but they probably are.
-James Harvey Robinson

So difficult it is to show the various meanings and imperfections of words when we have nothing else but words to do it with.
-John Locke

No metaphysician ever felt the deficiency of language so much as the grateful.
-Charles Caleb Colton

No mistake is more common and more fatuous than appealing to logic in cases which are beyond her jurisdiction.
-Samuel Butler

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people that annoy me.
-Fred Allen

People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.
-Abraham Lincoln

If you don't execute your ideas, they die.
-Roger von Oech

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
-Howard Aiken

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
-Josh Billings

Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.
-Isaac Bashevis Singer

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much.
-Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-Gilda Radner

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
-Lilly Tomlin, as Ernestine the Operator

Psychologists believe that the fast turnover of products can breed a mentality of short-term reasoning, philosophy, and expectations that infiltrates all aspects of life. In our relationships, will we replace each other long before our actual usefulness and lifetime are up? Are we doing it already?
-Charles Panati, The Browser's Book of Endings, p. 176

All men should strive before they die to learn what they are running from, and to, and why.
-James Thurber, "The Shore and the Sea"

The purpose in life is to collaborate for a common cause; the problem is nobody seems to know what it is.
-Gerhard Gschwandtner



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